Blog : Stockholm

Angel

A letter to Ideas Island

Ideas Island is a project by Fredrik Härén, an international speaker on business creativity and author of The Idea Book. He owns three islands (two in Sweden and one in the Philippines) and rents them out for free to creatives to help them in developing their ideas. Last week, I got to stay at Ideas Island #2 Vifärnaholme in Stockholm. This is a letter of thanks to the island, for inspiring me during my stay.

Angel Ideas Island

Dear Ideas Island,

I miss you already. I dream about you since the last time we saw each other: the moment I first saw you, shining in the distance. Waking up to peaceful mornings, the sun shining on my face (“I woke up in paradise,” I thought to myself.) The ever-present birds keeping me and my boyfriend M company. The lake, the trees, the bluest sky.

It was like a dream, but it wasn’t, and for that I am grateful. There are indeed places on earth that feel like heaven, and they truly exist. During my stay, time and space didn’t seem to exist, what only mattered was the here and now. My worries weren’t present (maybe I should try to live more like how I did on the island..) For the week that I was there, the purest of thoughts came to me and I just simply felt alive.

Time flies when you’re at the island. I first thought that I would be bored, but there was no single idle moment. I was either thinking of my project, writing an article, cooking a slow meal, having extended fika breaks, or trying to sneak up on the baby seagulls. And everything was enjoyable, even washing the dishes (with a view of a luscious lake, and the sun reflecting thousand of tiny diamonds on the water!)

While on the island, I read an article on Brainpickings.org on why quiet time is essential to a full life and a quote by Cheryl Strayed struck to me:

“The useless days will add up to something [because] these things are your becoming.”

I liked the idea of “becoming”. What a beautiful word it is in itself, too (Becoming: gerund or present participle “become”, grow to be, develop into; adjective, looking good on someone, attractive, flattering) I like that some things take time and during that time, we learn, we grow, we develop, we shape ourselves and we become, even without being aware of it. I remember thinking of a similar thought a few winters ago: looms are always spinning. Things are happening in parallel to what we are experiencing personally, things always change (and that is good!) Don’t despair when things are not going your way, for you don’t know the whole picture and many things are already happening that will lead to a new situation.

I thought of the creative process and how truly difficult it is. I thought of all the doubts, the second-guessing and the countless hours of writer’s block: which often lead me to think that I am “not being creative” or “not doing enough”. When in truth, it is part of the process and without it, we are not really being creative. In line with this, I should also let go of being a perfectionist.. I need to learn to be gentle to myself.

I am grateful that I am still on the path that I want to be in. A few years ago I had a plan and a picture of who I want to be, professionally and as a person. It wasn’t an easy road, but I stuck to it and now I am becoming that image: I live in Europe (I even have lived in my dream country, Sweden) and I am working in the fields I am most passionate for: the arts, culture, writing, nation branding and promoting Scandinavia and Holland. Somehow I found a way to shape the things I love into a career.

I am also glad that my professional and personal life are not two completely separate entities. I hope I will continue to be close to my passions, and that opportunities will open up so that I can live as close as I can get to my true, authentic self. The one I am happiest and at peace living with. 🙂

Becoming, idyllic, dreamy. That’s the best I can describe the time I was there, and at the same time that is what you are, Ideas Island! May you continue to inspire many others to breathe in ideas, create things for the good, and live out their dreams.

With love,
Angel

PS
Send my love to the three baby seagulls!

Seagulls

Angel

Notes from Stockholm

Greetings from Stockholm, my current home until the end of the month. It’s been great so far, as expected. I inhale and savour past memories and make new, colourful ones. The smell of Pressbyrån coffee and kanelbullar, the tingling sound of “Nästa Slussen” in the tunnelbana, the feeling of fresh summer rain.. some things never change.

And some things do, and that’s okay! I loved seeing my friends again – all of us now doing different things and “growing up” as working adults, reminiscing about our student days. But then again, we still do the same things: hanging out at Andy’s place eating candy and watching series, having fika outside, drinking loads of coffee, and just walking in the city, goofing around. I love being around their company. I love the awareness that there is always someone that I can just call to have dinner or coffee with. An awesome time is just a tunnelbana ride away.

I love that even if Stockholm seems like a bubble up in the North, with it’s hard habits and seemingly uniform culture, there are things that change in it too. New discoveries of a cafe by the lake (coffee with a new friend!), a food-court extravaganza smack in the middle of town (burrito fun times with Frida!), and the ultra hip new mall at Hornstull tunnelbana station (dumplings in the sun with Nat!)

I also met the nicest new people: colleagues of mine from the Netherlands Board of Tourism and Conventions, Dutchies who live in Sweden now. I love how my two worlds collide in their cozy, little spot in Götgatan. Plus, I got to watch the Holland-Spain world cup game at the Dutch Embassy. A glorious win for Holland!

But above all, I love that my feelings for Stockholm are also changing and growing up with me. I love that I have not two, but three places I consider “home” now, and that my heart expands to accommodate them all. A few years ago, I limited myself without knowing. Now I understand that there is always room: that a life is not contained, but extending.

A perpetual note to self: The good times are always now and yet to come.

Song: Bouquet’s Cave Life – a new favourite. My friend Natalie introduced me to her old band The Finches, where the lead singer is now making music as Bouquet. It sounds like falling in love.

Angel

Ask Me Anything: Home, homesickness and Coke rooms

Ask Me Anything is a series of questions given by my friends and answered by me, Angel! If you have any questions that you would like me to answer, or if you’re just plain curious about me (because I am such a superstar), feel free to send me a message!

1/ How do you define home?

I made a blog post about this last year, and I think this is my working definition of “home”:

Home to me for the past years have been a psychological phenomenon, a place where you can be yourself and where you are surrounded with the people that you love and who love you. A place where the most authentic “you” can flourish, and where you have the freedom and the state of mind to create, express and just be yourself. Simply, somewhere where you can be comfortable, happy and true. It is a bit different from the traditional definition of home, which is a more physical and non-flexible entity (and most usually refers to “where you came from”). Mine is a more mobile definition, perhaps a skill I have adapted to to match the currents of my life and/or a truth that I have discovered. I believe that you can be at home anywhere.

In addition: a much older blog post circa 2009, when I was moving around from Sweden, to Spain and to the Philippines, unsure where to go next, but absolutely sure where my heart lies.

what’s on my bedroom wall: a big outline of sweden, made out of blue lace. there’s a map of stockholm: norrmalm and gamla stan and sodermalm. and a map of the tunnelbana, the green and red and blue lines criss-crossing one another. looking at them now, i realized that they don’t mean anything to me anymore.

what makes my heart leap now: the lines of your face, the way you look at me, your words, your touch.

what’s happening now: i’m falling in love with people, instead of places. finding home in a different kind of way.

To sum it up, home is a place where the most authentic “you” can flourish, and/or a place that can be found in certain special people. Since you change, and other people change, homes can change too. TA-DA! What an epiphany!

2/ What is homesickness for you? (For some reason, I think that you don’t really associate homesickness with not being in Manila. Or do you?)

I don’t necessarily associate homesickness with Manila, because I don’t really feel “at home” there. Although, I DO miss my mother and my friends, and the feeling of being part of a warm, everlasting community and being loved in a particular way, which can only come from someone knowing you for decades and seeing you grow up. I think that is something irreplaceable.  I also miss the food, of course.

Homesickness can be felt anywhere, especially for cosmopolitan people: it can also be closely related to the feeling of “homelessness”, the feeling of disconnection and dislocation. Every cosmopolite can relate to the sentiments evoked by the Kings of Convenience song “Homesick”: Homesick. Because I no longer know where home is. But isn’t that just plain loneliness in the end, when you come to think of it?

The way to combat this nasty feeling is to know and accept and internalize that you are living a different life from the majority, and home cannot just be a simplistic definition, at least not for us (stop comparing yourself to others). Home can be many places all at once, and in the hearts of the many people who love you (spread all over the world!) Get on the computer, write a letter to your best friend, skype with your mom, connect and be less lonely/ homesick!

3/ What happened to the Coke room? (Remember this room under the big Coke sign in Stockholm?)

Photo: Marthin Sühl

Jobelle visited me in Stockholm during the summer of 2010. It was a great time! I remember pointing out to her “my Coca Cola room”: a top floor apartment in the Södermalm district, close to Slussen metro station (my favourite district and favourite metro station). It is my dream apartment. It also felt so personal because I am a Coca Cola addict and a big sucker for romance. Wouldn’t it be the most romantic thing if I ended up living in Sweden, in an apartment in Söder, overlooking Lake Mälaren and the entire city, with a Coca Cola sign as my nightlight?! Ahhh.

Just like how Jay Gatsby had his own personal green light to gaze into, I have my Coke room as the symbol of my Sweden dream. A concrete, yellow-ochre and beige, neon-lit embodiment of my hopes and dreams. Something that is mine to hold on to.

I don’t know what happened to the room nor who occupies it, but I do know that my dream is still there. 🙂

Here are some pictures of me and Jobelle during her fun-filled visit! All photos by Jobelle:

4/ Will it always be Europe for you? (To live, work, grow old?)

I think so! I loved Europe ever since I can remember, and I’m really enjoying myself here. I feel that the authentic me has been given a chance to grow and flourish here. The creative scene is very good (although sometimes I feel like a certain dynamism is lacking) and I like the fact that I don’t need to be scared walking home alone at night or getting mugged while riding public transportation. I like the fact that I ride a bicycle, and so does my boss. Living in the first world leaves a generous amount of space in your head to pursue your dreams and creative endeavours.

But who knows how I will feel about Europe in the future. I mean, the past six years I was clearly convinced that it would always be Sweden. But now I’m living in Holland. Things happen in life and it’s okay to change, it just means I am human and not a robot. Who knows what the future will bring? Being open is the key.

5/ Any new projects (creative, crazy, simple, life plans, etc) that you have in mind? (We never got to do our Manila art scene critique blog!)

Right now, I am busy working with Arts Holland and I am loving every minute of it. However, in a couple of months my contract will end and I will have to find a new job by then. (Offers and job interviews are very welcome! Contact me, potential boss.)

Personal ongoing projects include DJ-ing as Ice Hotel. Life plans: a trip to the Philippines at the end of the year, and a move to Amsterdam is also on the horizon, just need to make it happen!

—

This set of questions is brought to you by the awesome Jobelle Tayawa. Jobelle is one of my friends from way back (1st grade?!), we rode Tita Nelly’s school bus together even if we were attending different schools. She was wearing a colourful pink and blue uniform, mine’s stark white and maroon. Fast forward to college where we crossed paths again and found a shared love for creativity, artistic endeavours, indie music and general coolness. Jobelle is currently a globe-trotting, motorbike-riding art director and 1/2 of the Bad Ass Co. See her work at http://jobelletayawa.com/

And! She is currently competing for a spot as a luxury hotel tester in Europe! Vote for Team Cool ‘n Poor, and help send Jobelle to Europe (so she can also visit me and we can have amazing adventures again!) Vote here now (and prove that you’re not a robot!)

Angel

Sista Natten

I’m on Spotify! Me and my friends Kniven, Kalle and Carolina recorded this song in less than 20 minutes, one summer afternoon three years ago in Stockholm. My voice is as raw as it can be, there was no second takes! Sista Natten is a melancholy song about a couple who knew that they would be spending their last night together (Sista Natten means “Last Night” or “Final Night”), so they had to make the most of it. And they’re at a beach. 🙂

I remember everything! We were hanging out at Kniven’s place after eating hotdogs in the park. I had time to spare before meeting up with Andy and Suzie at the British Embassy. At that time I was doing an internship with the Philippine Embassy and was invited to an international beer fair (I miss working at an embassy, all the lux perks, fun conferences and snazzy networking). Then all of a sudden, we were making lyrics to a Swedish song and Carolina was coaching me how to pronounce the words right, and then I was in front of the microphone singing with Kalle. Then I had to fly out into the summer dusk, trying to catch a bus at Centralen to take me to Djurgarden, I was running late. I asked for directions because I didn’t know that part of the city. Felix said, “Just follow the road downhill, be like water!”

That particular day lasted forever. We ended up at Tradgarden after the embassy event, I remember Andy stealing an American flag and bringing it with him everywhere we went! When Tradgarden closed, we ended up at the most luxurious bar in Stureplan (it was terrible!) and eating at Mc Donald’s at 4 am. Me, Suzie and Felix walked around Berns and  Nybroviken and “borrowed” a raft from one of the docked boats. “Get your bags Angel, we’re going on a little trip!” and away we drifted, floating in the middle of the lake, singing Radio Dept. songs and gazing at the infinite blue-grey waters and sky.

This song brings me back to my life in Stockholm! Especially to that one scintillating summer floating in a bubble – I didn’t know how long I could keep on doing that, but I had my friends around me and we were having a good time. The constant trying and the luscious breaks in between, the afternoon picnics, the balmy midsummer nights spent at Tradgarden. I was living in my dream city after all.

It brings me back to how it felt to be like water.

—

Kniven Islands är en vacker ögrupp i Söderhavet. Tillsammans bildar öarna formen av ett hjärta. Dit tar sig turister från hela världen för att ha semester. Ofta uppstår romanser mellan öns besökare. Efter sista natten reser de hem till vardagen och träffas kanske aldrig igen. Kvar finns bara minnen och hoppet om att en gång få återvända.

Kniven Islands is a beautiful group of islands in the South Pacific. Together the islands form the shape of a heart. Here tourists come from all over the world for their holidays and often, romance occurs between the island’s visitors. After their final night, they travel back home to everyday life, perhaps never to meet again. What remains are memories and the hope of one day to return.

Angel

Happy National Day, Sweden!

Trocadero and me at Hermans Restaurang, Stockholm 2009.
Trocadero and me at Hermans Restaurang, Stockholm 2009.

Happy National Day, Sweden! Thank you for being awesome in general, with special mention to the art of fika, the Shout Out Louds and The Radio Dept. and liquid gold Trocadero (the best ever celebratory drink!) Grattis!

Angel

On a roof and under a bridge

Where does your garden grow? On a roof, and under a bridge.

Last Friday was Roof Garden Arnhem’s opening – Arnhem’s summer hangout of the century. Roof Garden is an initiative of As We Speak + Belhamels to transform the top floor of a parking garage into an open space where people can relax and have fun – there is a bar, a coffee corner, a jacuzzi, wooden crates, sunning chairs, a viewing deck and green plants all over. SUPER FUN!

It reminded me of Trädgården in Stockholm, me and my friends’ (and everyone’s) favorite hangout during the summer. Located under the bridge, you can’t help but smile the moment you enter the labyrinthine summer party garden. It’s the vibe of the place that makes you feel so good – everyone is just so happy there. Video installations and Nintendo games, ice cream carts and indie pop gigs, sofas and ping pong tables, dazzling people and dancefloors. I think of Trädgården all year long, even when I’m not in Stockholm and even in the middle of winter. It is place where a lot of my happy memories are stored: hazy summer moments of playing ping pong to catch someone’s eye, sitting on top of elevated crates gazing across the dancefloor, dancing with Suzy and Carol and the rest of the gang, laughing my heart out. The apple ciders and the midnight sun.

With Andy, Marina and Isabella. Tradgården, Stockholm 2010.
With Kniven, Kalle, Andy and Felix. Tradgården, Stockholm 2010.

I can’t help but experience a future deja vu! Trädgården followed me to where I am now- this time in the form of a skyline sensation. (“Joy moves always to new locations, the ease of its flow never freezing” – says Rumi, my favorite 8th Century poet whose wisdom keeps popping up with every turn of my modern life. One of my best friends Bituin wrote that line on a birthday card she gave me when I was a teenager. I never forgot about it.)

Here are my very first pictures of Roof Garden Arnhem, so in the future I can look back and say “Oh this was the very beginning of that golden summer!” Here we come, fantastic memories!

Where does your garden grow? On a roof and under a bridge. Cheers to past, present and future special places! 🙂